Humor Zone: LMFT Licensing Exam Questions & Answers

California LMFT Licensing Exam Questions & Answers

Today's therapist must make subtle distinctions and nuanced discernments.

Dottie Weckles, Ph.D.

As you will see, the subtle differences between the answers can make them ALL seem right, or make NONE of them seem right, possibly at the same time. It can be like looking at an Escher drawing of a Rube Goldberg device, while participating in a Ponzi scheme by a televangelist preaching about Schroedinger's cat, and realizing you forgot to inflate your shoes.

Sample Questions: California LMFT License Exam, Part I. Note your answers on a separate piece of paper, so as not to harm your computer screen. Answers are at the end.

396. A child comes into the play therapy area, and you let him start to play with the toys. He picks up a toy gun. Instead of aiming at the target, he aims the gun to his head. How should you relate to this child.

A. Tell him to point the gun at someone else, because externalizing is shown to be better for long-term health.

B. Ask him why he is here, because you don't have an appointment and wanted to play by yourself.

C. Provide EFT or another energy therapy, cure the child, and manifest wealth to make up for your short-term approach to treatment that has bankrupted you.

D. Share your medication with the child in order to introduce him to the Real World.

397. An Arab of Jewish descent, who has become a Jew for Jesus, has come to see you because her Palestinian lesbian life partner, who is an atheist, and who is pregnant with the Arab's previous boyfriend's child, who functioned as the sperm doner so they could be parents, just told you she is going to kill the heathen goy breeder bitch because it is God's will, because her life-partner has decided to have an abortion. You should first:

A. Agree and take some time off, out of town.

B. Notify the police and the potential victim, and invite the victim to spend some time off, out of town, with you, and convince her to keep the baby, as you have always wanted to raise a child with a dark-complected lesbian lover who has a skeptical mind.

C. Get them on Dr. Phil, acting as their agent, and take a commission, thus saving at least two lives, or maybe eliminating Dr. Phil in the bargain.

D. To establish rapport, convert to the Jewish faith, then become a Jew for Jesus, and say, "Hoo boy, do I ever understand how you feel, now, hun'!"

E. Provide EFT or another energy therapy, and raise her consciousness beyond her potential, deeper than her core, to the cellular level. She will teach energy psychology to fundamentalists and indirectly prevent world war IV in the year 2063.

398. A 97-year-old comes in to see you, complaining that everyone has begun speaking a foreign language, and the bank won't let him make a withdrawal, and his kids keep placing him in a geriatric facility that he has to keep escaping in order to go home.

A. His aphasia has made him unintelligible, so you have no idea what he is saying. Have adult protective services pick him up and put him in a geriatric facility.

B. Since you are suffering from a similar dementing illness, take him by the hand and hurry; they're serving that whipped cream stuff with the pineapple pieces in it today.

C. You are doing therapy in a chat room. Tell him to move his hands over by one key row and he will start making sense and everyone will start cooperating again.

D. Provide EFT or another energy therapy, and cure him. Then show him The Secret and have him join the MLM program for a cool $1,000 and a hefty commission for you. You deserve it after pulling off that miracle.

399. A woman has come in because her miniature poodle, Muffin, died in the oven, quite accidentally.

A. Allow yourself to laugh with abandon. Never in a million years will anybody believe that Muffin died in the oven. What? She left him in too long? The Pillsbury Dough Boy knocked him off for the life insurance? Nothin' says lovin' like Muffin in the oven!

B. Control yourself, and tell the client you have a touch o' the palsy, and that's why you keep twitching and scrunching up your face.

C. Cure her grief with EFT or another energy therapy, duct tape her to the chair, and call the ASPCA because you are a mandated reporter.

D. Tell her that, in recovery, you start with a plant, then a fish, and THEN, if all goes well, a muffin.

400. A managed care company has sent you a client who has been traumatized by the managed care company, and who is a managed care company employee who is guilt-ridden for having caused so much trauma that she now so deeply understands.

A. The client is a malingerer. She couldn't have been traumatized by the company until AFTER she tried to use her policy. But she wouldn't have tried to use her policy until AFTER she was traumatized. These are mutually time-conflicting premises. Thus, she will be denied, but may appeal the denial. Her ability to complete the forms, however, will prove that she is not suffering from treatable trauma. The appeal will be denied.

B. The client is a sociopathic managed care whore, and thus is outside of your scope of practice. Refer her to SATANNNN.

C. Tell her she's only scratched the surface and fill out the paperwork right there in front of her while she waits for her session. Then tell her that you're out of time.

D. Cure her with EFT, and then apply EFT to yourself after the managed care company traumatizes you by denying that you exist.

ANSWERS

396. A. Externalization is better for long-term health. That's why I wrote this article.

397. E. EFT cures everything.

398. A. You only thought you could understand him because I translated for you. You need insight!

399. D. This questions requires multicultural knowledge, e.g., that the Muffin Man lives on Drury lane, where he is in recovery. Children often misinterpret the word drury in the last line for "cherry". Others mishear it as "smeary," "dreary" or "laundry". In addition, the third-to-last word is often given in the United States as "on," matching the standard American English idiom. However, in England, where the rhyme originated, it is normal to speak of someone living "in" a street.

Drury Lane is a street in London, also notable for its theatre. Victorian households had many of their fresh foods delivered; muffins would be delivered door-to-door by a muffin man. The "muffins" were the product known in much of the English-speaking world today as English muffins, not the cupcake-shaped American variety.

It could also refer to the darker era when Drury Lane was lined with Brothels. (Wikipedia)

400. A. Passive aggression, according to the California Business and Professions Codes pertaining to Unprofessional Conduct, is only permissible on the part of an LMFT when dealing with managed care employees.